Reminiscence, Nostalgia and Cogitabund
by Raveling Eudaimonia
Summary: It was rather eccentric to think that a bunch of dysfunctional remnants, now, was once a brilliant team of shinobi. Now, they might as well have just been known as the Pervert, the Drunk and the Psychopath. Tsunade couldn't help but laugh and cry at the thought. (Based upon manga Chapter 405)


**Reminiscence, Nostalgia and Cogitabund**

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_Standard disclaimers apply_

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The night was dark and lugubrious, perfectly fitting for a dismal reflection on despondency. A gentle breeze blew through the trees, startling a flock of birds and prompting them to fly elsewhere. Echoes of an owl's hooting vibrated through the forest, its yellow eyes observing.

Scanning.

Watching.

However none of these factors would deter the lone figure propped against a wooden pole in the Third Training Ground. A slender hand rose to shift a few strands of blonde hair, revealing a pair of golden-amber orbs lost in the night sky.

How long had it been since she last stepped a foot on this place? How long had it been since she delivered her first punch towards the earth, only to send a young Jiraiya sprawled on the ground?

Whether she knew she would have loads of paperwork in the morning, or would have a dozen meetings to attend to the next day, Tsunade really didn't care. What was the point in worrying? Rationality, logic and her emotions had already failed to reach her.

She was already broken beyond repair.

A cry of despair escaped through her as she landed a punch towards the ground, obliterating the area in seconds.

It didn't help.

Another punch. Nothing.

Another.

Another.

Another.

And still nothing.

She could not believe this.

She was the Godaime Hokage, for god's sake. There was absolutely no need to pour out herself with conflicted feelings, not now, not at a time like this. Despite her political conscious repeating itself that the morning would come early, she had ventured into her last keepsake. The Third Training Ground. The training ground that held memories, many memories of what was Konoha's past, current present, and what would become of their future.

"_There are only two bells, the fact that there are only two bells mean…"_

_"One person will lose."_

_"You're very sharp Orochimaru."_

_"Say! If I get a bell, you'll go out with me."_

_"If you lose don't bother me anymore."_

_All right! I'll do it!_

_A few hours later…_

_"I won the bet, Jiraiya! You get to go to the log."_

_"Shut up flat chested plywood Tsunade!"_

_"What'd you say?! You egg-headed perv!"_

_"Now, now that's enough…Tsunade and Orochimaru may go."_

_"Okay!"_

It was rather eccentric to think that a bunch of dysfunctional remnants, now, was once a brilliant team of shinobi. What became of the three genins, once known as Team Hiruzen, had transformed into the Legendary Sannin – Jiraiya, Tsunade and Orochimaru. Now, they might as well have just been known as the Pervert, the Drunk and the Psychopath.

_It's hard to hide sadness behind laughter._

Tsunade couldn't help but laugh and cry at the thought.

"_I predict the Hidden Leaf shall emerge victorious from this battle. Therefore I shall let you three live"._

"_We don't want your sympathy! We can still fight!"_

"_Jiraiya stop!"_

"_You three are strong…you survived even this battle ground. I Hanzō, hereby name you the 'Hidden Leaf's Sannin.' In exchange for your lives, tell me your names…"_

The prominent moments of the Second Shinobi World War.

That day, had been one of the greatest battles of her life – as well as one of her proudest moments. Not only had they all individually displayed their skills to fight, but they had shown the ability to work in unison – a vital flair in any grand battle.

Oh, how she missed those days. Everything was beyond perfect. The Legendary Sannin, nothing could defy them. Nothing could break them. Nothing could shatter the mutual respect and relationship between the three. Nothing, until _he _tore it all down.

~-0-~

The death of Orochimaru by the bloodied hands of Sasuke surprised thousands, immediately prompting them to rejoice in astonishment. Tsunade was one to celebrate early, but inside it was a brittle stick pushing, prodding and poking a feeble heart. Sure, she had always hated him for his vile ways, as a child she never even remotely liked him – but he was a part of them, a teammate of Team Hiruzen and a comrade of the Legendary Sannin. During the preparations to counter the arrival of the Fourth Shinobi World War, she had even found herself yearning for his assistance.

_People become stronger because there are memories that they will not forget._

Upon first meeting him, Tsunade had instantly recognised him as a superior shinobi, a phenomenal prodigy whose skills and abilities would earn the rating of a first-class ninja.

_A prodigy only seen once in a generation._ Hiruzen would always say.

Calm, cool and collected, it was obvious to anyone that Orochimaru would automatically become the favourite of the trio and earn the highest praise, something that Jiraiya had always strived to achieve. It never had occurred to her that a man with his talents, knowledge and determination would set things around and transmogrify into a twisted psychopath with the solitary goal of striving to be immortal. It never had occurred to her that a human – _any human_ – in his or her right mind would use their own kind to perform and test various experiments on.

Oh, how she hated that motherfucker for that.

Tsunade grabbed a fistful of her hair and tugged on it hard, hoping to feel a small pang of pain but instead receiving nothing. What was the major reason for his sadistic and inhumane ways? Was it the death of his parents that caused such his strife? Or was it lack of affection and amity that he never truly received? Sighing, she shook her head to clear such thoughts. Whether she would ever receive the answers to her questions, pondering over this issue was never really going to help; some things were just better off left unanswered.

He was the resulted figure of desired power. A person whose lust for authority and supremacy was endless; a perfect den that could host a great amount of hatred and twisted darkness.

Her previous battle with him had taught her as much.

_"Why am I putting my life on the line? Because now… I am the Fifth Hokage of Konohagakure!"_

"_Is that so? Oh well, the best medicines always taste bitter. Don't forget that Hate only gives birth to even more hate. Which leads us all into darkness."_

"_When everything that you know and love is taken away from you so harshly. All you can think about is anger, hatred and even revenge. And no one can save you."_

Still, she couldn't help but wonder: if Orochimaru had a chance to renew a certain part of his life, would he take it? Would he grasp hold of the opportunity, to turn things around again? Or would he discard the prospect that there was more to life than power and immortality?

_You only get one life. There's no need to choose an impossible path. It's fine to live as you like and die as you like…_

There was no point in asking; only he and Jiraiya knew the answer to that. But then again, what would Jiraiya say?

_A blast of rain took to the streets as two tall figures stood opposite each other. A croaking frog could be heard and a snake slithering through the nearby grass slowly lay by. Waiting. Watching. Preying. Nothing, however, would interfere with this particular state of affairs._

"_Orochimaru. I'm giving you one last chance. Come back to the Leaf, come back to Kohona, and come back to us. We-"_

"_Enough. I've had my fair share of this sweet talk. I'm leaving and I've made my choice – have you worked out yours?"_

"_Orochimaru! Get back here, don't you dare walk away from me! Goddammit, look at me – in the eyes whether you like it or not!"_

_A pair of green snake-like eyes rose to strike two coal black orbs staring straight right back._

"_What is it? What is so important that I must 'look you in the eyes'?"_

"_Come back to us, Orochimaru – that's all I'm asking. Come back to us; let us be the Legendary Sannin again. Please…"_

"_Come back to you? You really think I'll just 'come back to you?' Don't you realise what I've done? Or what my intentions have been for my whole life? Don't you realise that this is my chance, my chance to obtain something that not even the previous Hokages could've done? This is my opportunity Jiraiya, mine and mine alone to acquire what I will need and I will achieve to attain full power."_

_A loud croak echoed through the bushes, the frog was alert._

"_There is much more than to life than power, knowledge and immortality, Orochimaru, so much more. You could have all the power in the world and still have an amount of unhappiness greater than the amount of blood shed each year. You could learn all jutsus known to this planet and still realise there are more things stronger than a bunch of hand signs that could flatten the mountains at your disposal._

_As for your quest for immortality, you'll never get there. No matter how many times you try, no matter hard you try; you'll never escape the fact that you're human. Whether you go through a mass of transformations to me prove wrong or not, you'll never be able to abscond the truth that you'll always have a beating, human heart to start your basic foundations of life."_

_A hiss could be heard from the nearby grasslands, the snake was getting impatient._

"_I don't care. In fact, I really could care less of what you think. Whether I ever return to this pitiful place it'll be my choice – not yours. The damage is already done, wounds are already inflicted and nothing I can do will ever change that. I've chosen my path, its time you find out yours."_

_"I'm not letting you leave and you know that. I'll fight you, even if it costs my life. I'll fight you, even if it means saying goodbye to a teammate I once had."_

"_Is this truly what you want Jiraiya, a violent bashing? I had thought you were a once peaceful man."_

"_If it means bringing you back and exceeding my limits, then yes, it is what I want."_

"_So be it then, so be it."_

_A series of hisses and croaks vibrated through the forest, the battle between the snake and the frog had begun._

~-0-~

_If there was a time to pray, it was definitely now. Tsunade stood in the rain, leaning on a wooden barrier and twisting a pair of bells back and forth. A pounding of footsteps could be heard coming nearer and nearer. Did they both come back? Alive, surely?_

"_Tsunade."_

_Spinning around wildly, she found herself facing Jiraiya, tattered torn, bloodied and bruised. No, it couldn't be. There was no way Jiraiya would let Orochimaru slip through like that._

"_Did you…? Did he..?"_

_A look of shame and sorrow overcame the bright features of Jiraiya's usually bubbly face._

"_I'm sorry Tsunade, but he's not coming back."_

"_But I thought – how could you have…?"_

"_What's done is done. He's chosen his path, and I've chosen mine. If I cannot bring him back – I cannot be Hokage. How could I care for the people when I can't even bring my own friend back? It's too late, Tsunade, it's just too late. The least I can do is keep an eye on him. The least I can do, is hope that one day, he truly understands what the meaning of power, knowledge and immortality really is."_

_She gave a weak smile, hoping it would alleviate the situation. "Let's hope that day comes soon for the snake bastard, eh?"_

_His response went unheard._

_The silence protruding from Jiraiya was the loudest cry she had heard from him yet._

~-0-~

An entire lack of emotions.

It was agreed by many that thus, it was this that made a truly powerful shinobi. Jiraiya, a man _ruled_ by his emotions, had proved to be the exception.

_"Nice to meet you. I'm Jiraiya! You can send me a love letter later!"_

_"I'm not a little pervert... I'm a big one!"_

With a nonchalant personality and a light-hearted nature, Jiraiya had always been a very likeable man.

_Now my job is to help the next generation, and set a good example for them. And for that I'll gladly lay down my life, and I'll be smiling the whole time. It's what makes us old guys cool, you see._

The moronic pervert, whose white hair seemed worse than a lifetime of dandruff, was a genius. Known as the proclaimed Toad Sage by all toads alike, he had been the very first human to set foot on Mount Myōboku as well as earn the ridiculous nickname, Ero-sennin. One to never give up and always pursue the wildest of dreams with his courageous actions of audacity, it was easy to become captured into his smiles and laughter.

He had a heart filled with overflowing benevolence, as seen with the Ame Orphans. Yahiko, Konan and Nagato. It had been to her utmost surprise that Jiraiya would stay behind with the young trio, teaching them ninjutsu and providing them with adequate food and shelter. Not much would be heard from him after that besides the various tales of their adventures, but his return from the unexpected endeavour would bring a change in him.

Tsunade had expected him to laugh, to give her a slap on back with those meaty hands of his. But instead, his eyes shone with a vivid light inspired with his preceding encounters. A desire to find an answer to hatred and its retaliations within the shinobi world. A yearning to explore the inspired motives of others and the connection between pain and suffering.

_Peace._

The concept wasn't exactly foreign to her, nor was it truly familiar. The quest to find it, to seize it and embrace it, had never appealed to her either. The world would always be filled hatred due to the sacrifices made out love, that was true. But to write a book about it, to realize that the idea of 'peace' would be the source of inspiration for someone like Jiraiya, it made her stop – and it made her think.

The man would've been a perfect candidate for the title of Hokage. Instead, he had rejected the offer. She couldn't blame him; he never had a liking for piles of assorted paperwork or various political affairs. As well as handling the old ramblings of the two Fire council members, Homura Mitokado and Koharu Utatane. Regardless of all this, he had instead chosen to host a legacy.

The starting point to peace, the very first pillar to support the bridge that would lead the walker, Naruto, out of the darkness and into the light to grasp the widely sought out amity and concord. He had passed on the Will of Fire to many others, revealing to them what the meanings of his teachings meant and what would have to be done. All Tsunade could do was smile as her memories of him lead her elsewhere.

_A burning sensation. That was all Tsunade felt at the back of her throat as she stared at her sudden vomited bile on the ground. A hand slapped her shoulder, Jiraiya._

"_Sheesh, you're even worse than with sake than I am."_

"…"

"_Let's take a break, eh?" That was all the encouragement she needed as she followed him into a nearby seat. A moment passed in silence as they both took a few seconds to mellow in their last state of tranquillity._

"_You're dealing with someone who's strong enough to keep Akatsuki in line" she said suddenly, breaking the ice between them. "We have no idea of his power…and now you're gonna waltz right onto his turf."_

_To her surprise he chuckled. Rubbing the back of his neck and shaking the mound of white hair he gave a grin and stood up. "Yep…I guess I should be going."_

"_Come back alive…"_

_Huh? His eyes widened abruptly, shocked at the plea that the love of his life that had always rejected him had just made._

"_If I lose you too…I…"_

_His grin widened._

"_Are you gonna cry for me?! Haha, I'm honoured! I don't suppose I'll get as many tears as Dan did, though. Hahaha!"_

_Fighting back the swelling agony at the back of the throat, she turned to the side. Anything that would stop the heavy tears from leaking out._

"_Asshole…"_

"_Alright, how about we put your gambling skills to use? Put everything you've got on me dying. You always pick the losing bet. In return I'll come back alive and well."_

"_Wh – "_

_To her confusion, he burst out laughing._

"_Wahaha! I'm kidding! I'm kidding. I'm very grateful to you, you know."_

_He pulled a book in his hand; obviously it had to be that: a novel that was part of the infamous Icha Icha Paradise series._

_"Getting dumped always makes a man stronger. And if he hasn't experienced it enough to be able to laugh and joke about it, or at least use it as material – he can't fulfil his duties a man."_

_Tsunade sat up a little straighter, partly confused._

"_So it's the man's responsibility to be strong, eh?"_

"_Pretty much. But then again, men aren't meant to pursue the happiness." Not finding a good enough answer, she bit back her retort. Much to Jiraiya's amusement._

"_Bah…" she snorted. "You men are all alike. Without women around there'd be no one to reject your advances and toughen you up!"_

"_Heheh, very true."_

"_Send one of your toads if anything happens. I'll come and back you up immediately."_

"_I don't think so." The cheeky grin started to falter. "You absolutely have to remain in the village. This place relies on you to keep it together."_

"_There are plenty other candidates for Hokage." Reasoned Tsunade, who found herself staring at the Hokage Monument. The mountain which displayed the proud faces of them all._

"_How are people supposed to be comfortable living here if their leader is constantly changing? You're the best person for the job in the village and that's that!"_

"_We've got Kakashi. And Naruto, eventually."_

_He gave a snort and faced the other side so all she could see was his back._

"_Kakashi's a given. But Naruto's a long way off, even if you did see it fit to give him your necklace."_

"_You're one to talk – you've practically crammed him full of power. You even taught him the Rasengan!"_

"_Yeah and maybe I shouldn't have. It felt just like I was teaching Minato again." A sad expression occupied on Tsunade's face again._

"_Namikaze Minato." She said with a sigh. "The resemblance is undeniable…"_

_Jiraiya closed his eyes._

"_Minato had talent you only see once a decade, at best. He was a genius, no one had been born like him in a while. He was such a nice kid, too. Yet his guts and desire to succeed was the fiercest I'd ever seen. And in the blink of an eye, he was our fourth Hokage." Soon enough, they both found themselves staring at the face of Naruto's father. "I never had kids, so I don't know what it was like. But if he had been my son, I'd have bragged about him all the time."_

"_Haha, hearing you say that." Tsunade gave a slight snicker. "Makes me think of how different they are, too. If I had to choose, I'd say he's much more similar to his mother."_

_A bright-eyed girl of red hair filled Jiraiya's vision. How long had it been since their time had passed?_

"_A female ninja of the Whirlpool country."_

"_Yeah, his personality and ninjutsu style are exactly like Uzumaki Kushina's."_

_His face split into a bursting light bulb within seconds._

"_That was her name! I remember with that red hair, the constant jabbering and her tomboyish demeanour. She was just like one of the boys!"_

"_Kushina became so beautiful as she grew up. But Naruto does look like his father."_

_The smug smirk on the Toad Sage's face was visible again._

"_That's why I say I see HIM in Naruto. I have to admit, I've come to think of him as my own grandson…"_

_Stillness foreboded them again. Grabbing his gear, he turned to set off and gave a nod._

"_Okay, so – I'll be off."_

_Only to stop as soon as he had just started walking._

"_Ah, yes! Let me give you one last word of advice."_

"_?"_

"_Remain careful of ROOT."_

"_I know."_

"_That's relief then! See ya later…"_

_Please be careful._

_Please come back alive._

_Golden-amber orbs tracked the spiky looking figure as his shadow melted, the sun boring it down. It was only then Tsunade realised she hadn't given him a last response to his departing reply at all. All she had given him was a silent gaze._

_Silence, hmm?_

_It would be her loudest cry yet, whether her tears would flow – sooner or later._

Despite his pervious ways and rather indecent jokes, it was easy to recognise the booming voice on the streets, but that would never be heard again. No more white prickly hair sticking out in the sun, or jumping toads everywhere.

Nothing.

A twinge of sadness and dismay rang through her heart; as she recalled the last confirmed fact regarding the Invasion of Pain - the Great Toad Sage had fallen.

"_Jiraiya-san has died in battle."_

"_Wh-what are you talking about?"_

_Tsunade said nothing as she left Fukasaku to explain what had happened to the Great Toad Sage. So she had won the bet between them after all. At the price of someone's life._

"_I don't blame you if you don't believe me. Jiraiya-boy left a message before collapsing. This is that message."_

_9,31,8 106, 7 207, 15_

_Naruto stood in front of her, his face passive. His eyes, filled anger, fury, resentment and pain. So much pain._

"_Did you…let him go granny?"_

_I tried to stop him. I'm sorry, Naruto. I'm sorry._

"_That's right."_

_The blank mask that he wore broke. The light in the Child of the Prophecy had gone out, the glass shattering._

"_Why'd you allow such a reckless thing? You knew Pervy Sage better than anyone! How could you send him to such a dangerous place, alone?! Dammit!"_

"_Naruto, where are you going?" cried out Sakura. But her attempt at keeping him back was futile._

"_If Pervy Sage had been the Fifth Hokage, he wouldn't have let Granny Tsunade take such risks...never!"_

Despite being stabbed, kicked and punched, Naruto's words cut through her like broken glass. He was right.

It was her fault that Jiraiya had died.

It was her fault that his mentor, a man he truly loved and respected wasn't coming back.

It was her fault that the Great Toad Sage would leap and jump no more.

It was her fault that another, Legendary Sannin had fallen.

Feeling her eyes swell and tears forming, Tsunade tried with all her might to swallow them back inside.

_Too late_.

A tear escaped her, followed by a dozen warm, salty drops. She slumped to the ground against the pole, sobbing relentlessly. Was this truly what pain felt like?

"_War brings death and wounds and pain to both sides... There's nothing harder to accept than the deaths of those you love... so you believe... they could never die..."_

_"The world will know true pain, and the fear of that pain will put an end to war... It will lead the world to stability and peace."_

_"I want you to feel pain, to think about pain, to accept pain, to know pain."_

"_The true measure of a shinobi is not how he lives but how he dies. It's not what they do in life, but what they did before dying that proves their worth. Thinking back of it, my story is one full of failures. Tsunade rejected me every time. I couldn't save my friend; I failed to protect my student… and my teacher. Compared with the Hokage who came before me, my accomplishments have all been petty and insignificant. I wanted to die like them…"_

How could she hope to lead Kohona in this current state? It was unbelievable, she was even crying for Orochimaru a sole traitor to them all who had inflicted wounds on everyone.

_Fresh wounds need time to heal. Over a period of time they will form into scars. It then depends on the person if they will find a nice ointment to help the scar fade, or if they prefer to keep the scar as a symbol, a painful reminder._

~-0-~

Pulling herself up, she shook her hair free from any twigs or grass. The pair of bells that were being tied around one of the wooden poles had started to chime loudly, the sound ringing in her ears.

It was time to move on and let her wounds heal, and time to let go of the pain.

In the density of the trees behind her a number of rustles were made in the bushes, two creatures watching the last remaining Sannin taking her leave. The hiss from the white snake and the croak of the brown toad echoed into the night once more.

Their long battle ceased to a halt.

The sound of the ringing bells intensifying as the wind took its last breath, a familiar voice clear and audible as the shadow of Tsunade faded away once more into the village. High above, where the wind was at its strongest, the face of Hiruzen Sarutobi bored into the horizon. Upon his lips, he was blessed with a sad smile that spoke of many forgotten tales.

In the midst of it all, the chime of the bells, the force of the wind, and the billowing leaves that floated in the air – the face of Hiruzen Sarutobi cracked.

_When the tree leaves dance, one shall find flames. The fire's shadow will illuminate the village, and once again, tree leaves shall bud anew._

_End._


End file.
